This sweater makes my breasts look like flat blobs. I thought of ripping back and putting bust darts in, but screw it.
I can't remember if it was last Thursday or Friday he had the bronchoscope and while that was going on, I ripped the sweater back. It was really therapeutic. This is the time, I was sitting out here angry at that anal nurse, Rip. This is time I was so frightened when they took him down to Cat-scan, Rip. This is the time I was angry at that nurse again, Rip. And so on.
I'm glad I raised the breast line. The past few days I haven't been able to read to him with so much going on. When things get quiet, I sit there, knit and just let him rest and heal. Any stimuli right now raises his blood pressure too much. Depending on how the week goes, I should have it almost finished by next week.
My biggest WIP at the moment:
To let you know, I'm eating more now than before D got sick. Not junk food. I have a sandwich in the afternoon and something cooked at night. I've never eaten breakfast since I was a kid. I have a couple Trisquits for breakfast. I'm sleeping between 7 and 8 hours a night. Believe me, I can't afford to miss a meal or an hours sleep, other wise I would just fall down. Last night was cheap box mac & cheese (I used real butter and half &half with added real cheese. That counts, right?) a can of stewed tomatoes and the last two pieces of Banquet chicken. The chicken was mostly for the cats, I hate thighs, but did eat a bit. My grandmother used to make box mac & cheese with stewed tomatoes when I was kid and I needed some Grandma comfort food. Tonight, I think I'll make chicken and rice. (another Grandma like comfort dish, which will have leftovers)
This morning I woke up an emotional wreck. I woke up ten minutes before the alarm and burst into tears that I could have slept another 10 minutes. Then I broke down at the thought of going up there yet another day. Just make it stop. After I made coffee, I thought about that anal nurse coming back today. Broke into tears, no, no don't let him have her, I just can't deal with her today. Called up to the hospital to see how he did over night. Found his day nurse is someone he hasn't had, but she's been in the room helping out and always comes in to check on how I'm doing. I hung up and wailed again, out of relief.
I opened a message, how are you doing? Waaaaah. Then I started crying about the fact I was crying. This isn't PMS, this is my one good week. Betty gave me a hard time and I sat in the middle of floor and cried about that. Up at the hospital, I started crying about going into the room and seeing him like that, yet again. The palliative care nurse came in and I broke down again. I got it together after talking to her and his nurse.
I'm just that emotionally and mentally spent. It's not like I can just take a day off. If I didn't go up there for a day, then I worry about what was going on.
I'm holding off judgement on the new attending as he's just getting his bearings. He's seems like he is going to be more conservative about when he will take off the vent. He said the O2 has to be way lower than 55%. His metabolism has to be balanced (renal dropping the ball for a couple days). He has to be alert and a couple other minor things. He said about 2 weeks and then he said maybe a week. In a week, a new attending will be on service. They have, I think, 6 of them.
His dialysis didn't go very well last night, they only were able to take 2 liters off. I think the nurse kept him well sedated and that makes his bp go down and it doesn't go well. They came back first thing this morning to try again. The day nurse took my advice on little things I've observed over several days and we were able to keep his bp up enough without it going to high or too low. I hope he has her again.
The anal aggressive nurse was there. She smiled at me when I walked past the desk. I thought go ahead, smile and wave just don't talk to me. I can't deal with you today. I didn't mention this before. That Sunday, when they thought he wasn't going to make it through the day, she inserted herself into his personal business where she didn't have any business inserting herself. We really locked horns and she was trying to bully me. She said, if he dies in the next 30 minutes, you could face problems a year or two from now. To which I said, then I will deal with it then. Then I said, If he lives when he comes out of this and you make me do what you are trying to bully me into doing, he will come here and punch you right in the face. He doesn't hit women, but he will make the exception for this. That's when she begrudgingly backed off. I found out she called the social worker afterward, who refused to get involved in that matter.
When she did get close, she just commented that she like my knitting and went about her business.
I'm a little better than I was this morning. I will probably put anything important that happens this evening in tomorrow's post.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I know you all would come bring me food and other stuff if you were closer. Thank you for the kind thoughts.