Sunday, February 20, 2011

Scary Night, We're Still Holding On




I'm home long enough to get something eat and rest for a little bit.  It was a terrifying evening last night.  Around 6:30 pm the Dr.s showed up outside his room to do rounds.  I got up to go listen.  That's when like a bad episode of Dr. House, his heart rate shot up in a dangerous rhythm.  I quietly slid out to the hall and attempted to turn myself into silent yet terrified wall paper.

D likes to watch House with me sometimes.  He always says it's a bunch of bull that a patient when all of sudden code while the dr.s are standing there.  That's what I thought of for a moment, we were on a bad episode of House.  I really wanted the two of us to be playing different roles, like the extras just walking down the hall.

His nurse saw me and pulled me into her chair at the desk in front of his room's window so I could watch what was going on.  As the crash cart and tons of nurses came storming in, she said, "There's going to be lots of people going in and out, don't be scared. Just sit here."  Don't be scared.  I'm past scared.  Scared happened several seconds ago, I've accelerated it by several thousand.  So, I sat there quiet as a mouse and watched them work.

Different people came up and spoke to me to tell  me what was being done.  Fifteen or twenty people were standing there and only about three or four were actually working.  The rest were watching and discussing.  The Dr. House type guy wanted to put him on ecmo, which he explained was similar to cardiac by-pass they do in surgery.  The other guys were trying to talk him out of it saying it doesn't help with sepsis and there could be complications with the dialysis machine.

The pulmonary guy talked to me.  He wanted to try chest tubes as he thought he had a lot of fluid built up in the pluratic space.  He said, "His prognosis is not good.  Maybe 50 - 70% chance.  We saw 5 cases like this last year and only 2 survived the other 3 died and they were healthy men in their 20's."

Just to show you, how much your comments and support really help.  It was at that moment, Rudee's comment "Don't lose faith. I've seen absolute miracles in the ICU." appeared in my mind and I held on to it for all I am worth.   So you never know when one of your comments will be just what I need at the right moment to remember. They do give me a smile.  Susie, you're pudding is not the ugly right now, if only it were.  


They got him stabilized enough to run him down to cat-scan.  His lungs didn't have as much fluid as the pulmonary guy had thought.  So, they set aside doing the chest tubes. He thinks it's some sort of a virus and they just have to keep him alive for it to run it's course.


 While he was having the scan, I called my friend in Phoenix to make sure she made it back home safely.  She talked to me for 45 minutes and that really, really helped with the waiting. 


The charge nurse put in a long distance call to my mother.  Luckily, she was still awake able to talk to me even though she had just taken her night time medication.  


I was going to spend the night, in case anything happened.  The night nurse kept sending me down the hall to this little room they made up for me.  At midnight, I thought, if they are going to keep me down here, feeling like I'm in the dark, I might as well go home, take 2 Advil pm, get some sleep, and be rested for today.  Yet, I didn't want leave in case something should happen.  


I discussed it with the charge nurse and the night nurse as nicely as I could.  Telling them I wasn't trying to be rude or insulting, this was just how I was feeling.  We all decided I should go home and if I felt anxious I could call.  If the night nurse was busy, she would tell the charge nurse what to tell me.


My friend that takes me shopping, picked me up and took me to the Village Inn to get something to eat.  She picked up the morning and brought me back up.  I did wake up around 5:30 am from a nightmare and called.  The night nurse told me everything was the same, and hoped I could get back to sleep.


This morning his nurse said, they had him on 3 blood pressure drugs and there was nothing more after that. They were really sounding like he might not make it through the day. 


I brought a book up that he said on Wednesday he hadn't read yet and sat there reading it to him.  The nurse thought that really helped being able to hear my voice.  There is only so much I can say to have a conversation with someone who can't respond back.  It was my neighbor that suggested it on Thursday night.  I read until my throat felt like raw hamburger meat.  I'm trying to rest it now.  A is coming to pick me up at 6:30 to take me back and I'll read some more, as long as the night nurse lets me sit there. Until I can't speak anymore. 


He's holding his own right now.  Dr. House guy said today, "It depends, are you a glass half empty or a glass half full type of person."  


I said, "Normally, I'm a glass half empty but in the case I'll have the glass half full, thank you."


He made me his medical power of attorney and I'm doing the best I can to try to make the right decisions.  He has told me he's a glass half full person, so until they tell me there's just no hope left, I'm going to give him every chance there is to recover.


It's finally raining down here. 


I'm telling him about all your comments and that he has people from all over praying, sending positive thoughts, thinking about us and pulling for him.  I told him he has to get well so he can home to read them for himself.  He's a writer with a website full of his stories and music and he just restarted his blog about a week before this all happened.  I told him he'll need to make a guest appearance here when he's well again.  


I'll post again when I have the chance.  If anyone is on FB and wants to friend me, I'm  putting short posts on status when that is all I have time for.  I'm really blessed with all the people that have came into my life to give me support in my time of need. 

8 comments:

by Teresa said...

Denise, very serious and scary situation. Hang in there and think positive thoughts for him.. I'll do the same. Tell him that I said that the 'keets and bunnies need him to get well and come home - and you do too.

Hugs x 1,000 -- Teresa

Dee said...

I think reading to him is pure genius. Sending all the healing prayers I can your way. It sounds like your DH has a wonderful medical staff and we already know he has a wonderful wife to get him through.

Rudee said...

I'm sending only my positive thoughts. What a terrifying situation this must be for you. Wishing you a peaceful sleep tonight.

Mrs. Kirchner said...

Good thoughts and prayers headed your way.

Wanderingcatstudio said...

I think reading to him is a great idea, and hearing your voice will make him fight (especially if he's a glass half full guy!)
Hang in there and don't forget to take care of yourself in the process.

nursenikkiknits said...

Denise, I can only imagine how scared you must be feeling. I agree with the rest that reading to him is a wonderful idea. Maybe you could bring some music he likes for when your voice is tired? Keep hanging on xxx

melbatoast68 said...

Hey Sweetie. I just sent you a fb request so I can get your updates. I wish there was something more I could do for you. Having been in this type of situation, I know how scary this is and how helpless you must be feeling, but you have so many people that are here for you and there is strength in numbers in so many ways. Hang tough and know that all of our thoughts, prayers and hearts are with you. Sending you much love!!!

dyedinthewool said...

Still thinking of you and sending all of my best wishes and good thoughts. Reading sounds like a great thing.