Friday, February 18, 2011

Paging Dr. House

(excuse the messy bed)

Every morning is like that movie Ground Hog Day only with the bus.  Wednesday morning just as I got to the corner, the bus pulls up and I have to cross 8 lanes to get across the street.  The bus pulls away just as I get across the street and run for it.  Wednesday, I didn't mind because I another one was coming along in ten or fifteen minutes. Yesterday, when it happened, I just wanted to cry.  I didn't feel like waiting for the next one. Today, I got mad and said a few choice words under my breath to the bus as I watched it head down the street. Then I just shrugged and thought this is my new routine it seems.

He's not any better.  In fact, he's worse when I got up there.  His nurse said to me, he's very, very sick.  I said, I know that.  Then she said, he's very critical.  Emphasizing the very and the critical.  I almost yacked on her shoes.  His blood pressure is very low, his kidney's aren't working properly and his blood cell count isn't what it should for a person who is sick.  They doing more tests, waiting on tests and what results they are getting back isn't giving them any answers.  They don't know if all this stuff is related to one cause or separate to each other.  Paging Dr. House.

Needless to say I'm beside myself.  I believe this is the scariest ride I've been on in life.  I haven't had the easiest 44 years, I've been through some stuff.  That old Murphy's Law has beaten up several times and left me for dead.  I keep on fighting, stiff upper lip and all that.  My mom used to always tell me that, chin up, stiff upper lip.  My lip gets any stiffer and I'm going bite right through it, I lift my chin any higher and I won't see where I'm going.  Adversity builds character.  Well, I'm quite a character at this point, just ask my Di, she'll tell you I'm quite a character.  I've got so much character, I don't need any more.  Maybe I can sell some of this character on ebay.

In times of real stress I try to use humor to cope.  I'm thinking of the lyrics on Led Zeppelin's Houses Of The Holy, "Ain't no use in crying, cause it will only drive you mad."  Except I have broke down a few times, when it all gets too much.  Like yesterday, I went around cleaning up, trying to get some things that need done.  Then I sat down and looked at the time on my laptop and thought he's going to be home in a half an hour, I should get the coffee on and start something for dinner.   Then it hit me. Gut punch and knife to the heart.

When I still couldn't get to sleep at 2am, I took a couple Advil PM and forced myself to lye there with my eyes closed.  Finally got a decent night's sleep and woke up at 9:30 am when his supervisor called to let me know they put through a 30 leave of absence for me and not to worry about his job.  I just need to keep them updated every few days on how he's doing.  That's one less worry.

That picture at the top, is Miss Bootsie suckling my bath robe with Tennessee looking on at her.  Bootsie used to do that all the time, but then  she stopped.  D calls it her blanket mama.  She's his cat.  So beside herself she is, I guess she went back to suckling the blanket momma.

D started lurking my blog again, when I told him I had posted that video of Herbie.  He likes to come look at the pet pictures and read my stories about them, even though he was right here and I would tell him when he came home from work.

I'm being optimistic, he's going to get better and come home.  He'll have a lot of blog posts to catch up on and read about all those little things, I miss telling him about.  I tell him when I go up and visit, hoping somewhere in his sub-conscious he can me, but he probably won't remember.  Anyway, I'm documenting here those little things I would tell him about.

Ladybird's eggs haven't hatched yet.  However, she and Huey were trying to create another egg last night when I walked into the room.  Give it a rest already, you too.  I haven't noticed Myrtle laying an egg yet, not for lack of trying.  The Littles have stopped squabling over the one calcium perch, that just fits the four of them today.  Right now, they are hopping around and climbing all over everything.

Betty was super good this morning, she was already sitting in the cage waiting for me when I chased Dammit into the bedroom.  That's Nippit behavior, not Betty behavior.  Betty like to be bad, she's Dammit's girl after all.  Dammit made me chase him around this morning before going home.  I kept saying, "Dammit, Dammit. Stop making me say Dammit outside of your name."  He just jumped in the air with a big binky and ran yet another lap around the living room, like he was laughing at me.  Nippit made me chase her several times last night when it was past time for her to go to bed.  She's just not used to Pop not being here to put her to bed.  I gave her extra snuggles and pets when she did finally go to her cage.

So that's the update for today.  I did drink two big glasses of water with my coffee this morning before I headed up to the hospital.  That just made have to pee when I got off the bus and I almost didn't make the quarter mile hike up to the hospital.  I was wishing I was guy so I could hide behind a cactus and give it a drink.  It's cooler 70F and cloudy today.  Kind of like Rochester in April.  It's supposed to rain tomorrow, so I should document that as it's a bit of an event for here.

I tried catching up on some of my blog reading last night, for a distraction.  I'm just having a hard time concentrating right now.  Thank you all for stopping by and your supportive comments.  Reading them has really been helping me, just to know someone's out there.  When I get down, sometimes I go back and read them again.  I really appreciate all of you.


Cookie said...

I hope you're drinking more water throughout the day and not just the 2 glasses, sweetie.

Hopefully, there will be good news when you go visit in the morning.


Heather said...

Prayers are still flowing from here. I wish I was closer so I could come help with the critters, or at least distract you a little Make sure to take care of yourself and stay hydrated!

Anonymous said...

I know your DH will really appreciate these posts when he gets home. He'll know how much love was being sent his way.

Prayers for a better day tomorrow and a bus that is right there when you are.


CraftyCripple said...

You know what that stiff upper lip thing has a lot to answer for. You go right ahead and sob if you need to. You'll feel better if you let it out occassionally and don't beat yourself up if you do. I know you have to keep on functioning and have to put on foot in front of the other through all this, but you are allowed a little weep if you need it you know.

And you know the public transport system is the same the world over, they wait until you are in sight of the bus stop and then they speed right past you, especially if you aren't up to chasing them down. I think it is taught them in evil school.

by Teresa said...

Denise, thanks for the update.. I'm glad our notes to you are helping you. You do have friends that care - I wish I was close enough to help you chase the rabbits at night.. :-)

I hope you have good news for us tomorrow.

Hugs, Teresa

nursenikkiknits said...

I don't what to say except that that I'm pulling for D and thinking of you many many times a day. Isn't it amazing how the internet and knitting can bring so many people together. I hope tomorrow is a much brighter day for you, even if it is raining outside. xxx

melbatoast68 said...

You hang tough. We have so much love, prayers and healing vibes heading straight to D. Continue to believe in him and talk to him. He might not remember, but he knows you're there and that's important to him. I'm here if you need a virtual shoulder.

Heather said...

I was just about to go to bed, but am thinking of you and D still, know that everyone is pulling for him here, and sending you strength and love. <3

Rudee said...

Don't lose faith. I've seen absolute miracles in the ICU.