WIP Wednesday

It seems a year goes by between Wednesday's.  I'm getting more knitting time now that he is able to do a little more for himself.  This morning during the baseball game, I pulled this old thing out of the bag.

To recap, this is a cardi, I'm designing myself, well just knitting as I go along.  The yarn I'm using is a light 3 ply fingering weight merino, angora and silk blend that I dyed and spun a year ago.  Started sometime around January, I've been knitting on this while D was in ICU.

This will be short sleeved to wear over my sleeveless sundresses.  I knit one pattern repeat of the lace for continuity, then will knit an inch of seed stitch border.  I need to have some continuity in my life somewhere.  Almost finished with this sleeve, and I might (fingers crossed) have an FO for Friday.  Just in time to fold it up and put it in the drawer.  It's getting a bit warm down here, sunny and in the 90's F 32.22 C  all week.  Soon it will get hot 100F/37.77C and then damn it's HOT at 110F/43.33C , it becomes crispy critter time at 115F+ / 46.11C+ about July.

I'm slowly progressing up the leg on my sock.  For details about the pattern is on last week WIPW.  I'm running short on time and need to run back up to the home.

The pattern is a recipe and it's a bit vague.  If you like your hand held through all the steps, then this one should be avoided.  I, however, enjoy a challenge (like my life isn't challenging enough).  Misread the increase chart and had to tink back about 6 rows.  I need to pay more attention to what I'm looking at.

My pansies and petunias.. They might not be around much longer now that the sun is getting hot.  The French lady across the way has been watering them for me this whole time.  She was afraid she was going to kill them as she hasn't had much luck with pansies.  I told her they would die anyway and not to worry about it if she did kill them.  I finally got to thank her this weekend and she's thrilled how well they are doing.


Now for an update on my longest WIP, D has plateaued the past couple days.  The problem is his lungs need more time to heal.  The next step is for him to sit on the side of the bed, in order to be to stand, then walk.  Every time they sit him, he gets short of breath and his O2 sats go down into the 70's with 60 seconds and he has to lie back down.  One of the PT guys understands that and is working on helping him strengthen his core muscles.  Unfortunately, that guy is only there 3 days awake.  All the other therapists, I guess are complaining that they think D isn't cooperating.   Except if you can't breath there isn't much else you can do.  Have to resist the urge of wanting to punch some people.

Being sedated in the ICU for about 45 days, he's lost over 70 lbs and that is muscle mass from lying there and steriods.  It's not like he just went on a diet.  I'm up here now and he told me that yet again, a PT person confirmed his O2 sat dropping when he sits up.  So they've increased the exercises for his core strength while in bed.


I put my back out last Thursday and had to spend a couple days in bed on the heating pad.  I did go up for a couple hours on Friday and Saturday, but it hurt like hell.  The CNA that was "supposed" to help me lift him did it, or rather didn't do it.  That is she didn't lift her half, just said 1, 2, 3 real fast then didn't lift and I unexpectedly lifted a 170 pound man all by myself.  I probably could have done it if I was prepared.  I've been helping lift him since the beginning, even when had 90lbs of excess water weight and weighed over 300 lbs.  Never had a problem.  I'm better now.

Here's the hard part that is making me nauseas to write.  I'm between a rock and a hard place and I just don't know what to do.  The long term care insurance that would pay me to be his care giver is reviewing the case to see if he qualifies medically.  Then it will be up to the community case manager about the time he comes home if they will hire me to be his care giver or hire someone else.  That will just burn both our butts if we have to let strangers take care of him and they snub me.  But, it is what it is.

In the meantime, our funds have run out.  The internet and phone bill is do again and I need $100.00 and change by the end of the month to keep it on.  I borrowed the money last month from my mother, whom I need to pay back as soon as I start earning a paycheck, somewhere.  She on Social Security, so she can't help me anymore.  My kids are barely getting by themselves.  Plus, I found out that my daughter is expecting in early October (not happy news).

I just don't know what to do or where to turn.  Do I look for a job?  When I get a job that might delay his coming home and bump me from the caregiver job. I'm in limbo while life is dragging me forward.  So, it kills me to do this but I'm opened a Paypal account in my name and am putting up a donation button.  If you would consider helping me it would be so much appreciated.  If you would rather send me a money order you can contact me at catlady43066 at yahoo dot com or on FB or knittingbunnies on Ravelry and I'll give you my address.  Even $5.00 will help.  Ten cans of cat food is $5.00 plus tax, bird seed is $3.50 that will last a little over a week each.  The bunnies still have a ton of pellets from the bag my friend bought them last month. I did call the Humane Society for help, but the take donations, not give them.  However, they will take my pets from me when I get to the point I can't take of them anymore. *sigh*

Now, that he is able to do more for himself, I have a little extra time.  This weekend I'll try to list stash for sale on Artfire.  I've started reading blogs again on Sunday night, so if I stopped by your blog yet, I'll make it there eventually.

Have to put the second game of the double header against the Padre's on.   We one the first game.  Go Cubs. D watches Sportcenter and told me the Blackhawks won last night.  They are playing the Canucks tomorrow.  Sorry, Nikki.  GO Blackhawks!!!

Thanks for stopping by and considering my situation.

WIP Wednesday

I missed last week, this week I'm still exhausted just not in a foul mood.  I think I can pull this posting thing off this week.

Excuse my messy floor.  The damn maid hasn't shown up in a couple months.  I may have to beat her if I ever catch her.

I turned the heel and am coming up the leg.  I'm using the Lacy Knee Socks for the pattern.  It's just a basic pattern of the lace.  If you haven't made toe up socks before, such as me, you need to go searching for instructions on how to start the toe and make the heel.  I found Wendy's basic pattern to be the most helpful.

This Lacy Knee Socks isn't a very good pattern for a beginner, if you haven't made socks before, or if you are new to toe up socks.  Unless of course, you're a crazy person like me, then I say go for it.

No progress made on the sweater.  While I tote the thing back and forth everyday, it's bulkiness just isn't feasible with all the jumping up and down I do in the course of a day.  I'm really grateful to Nikki for sending that nice package.  The sock is small enough that it isn't problem to work on, as well interesting enough.

We are making progress, and I'm not having to jump to assistance as nearly as often as last week.  I've succumbed to the idea that exhaustion is going to be a way of life for me for awhile yet.  I'm just dealing with it. After 8 or 9 hours sleep, I yell "seriously" at the cats or the alarm clock, which ever is brazen enough to wake me up.  It's usually the cats.  The alarm clock remembers what happened last time.

I can't believe in a couple days it will be two months since I called the ambulance and this whole nightmare began.  What is it like 8 or 9 weeks now?  I lost count awhile back, somewhere around 6.

His pneumo thorax is slowly dissipating.  It was so bad, I could feel the rice crispies (air from the lung) all the way down his arm and into his hand.  They removed the trach today.  A bit of scary progress.

Yesterday, he tolerated being in the recliner for 2 and half hours.  We even went outside and sat on the front patio for the first time.  Today, we did it for 3 and half hours.  After I threw a hissy fit at the OT person, I got the foam things to put on the silverware, yesterday.  The OT person said he wasn't ready for them.  By tonight, I had him feeding himself dinner, with a tiny bit of assistance.

The OT person is a bit lazy, I think.  D says he's tired, and the OT person just goes away and complains D doesn't want to work.  He says that to the PT guys and they say, ok, well let's just work out some of the kinks.  He agrees and by the time they are finished he's done his full work out.  Then tells me they tricked him into doing his work out after all.  I say, yeah, they're good like that.

The nurse that said it would be harder when he comes home is both right and wrong.  Right in the fact that when I get tired, I can't just come home and someone else take over.  Not that anyone really does, they're so short staffed.  Wrong in the fact that most of what tires me out is getting ready to go, dragging my stuff and stuff he wants up there.  Then sitting in what must be the most uncomfortable chair on the planet.  I'm serious, a rock would be more comfortable than that damn chair.  Then sitting and thinking about all the things I need to do at home.

They finally have the temperature control fixed.  The vent above the door blew ice cold air at what must have hurricane force (a magazine blew off the shelf) at the wall, which came back and hit me right in the back.  Then the room would heat up to an oven, then frosty artic. It's no wonder he got a second case of pneumonia.  I'm pretty sure I caught a cold myself last week.

Can't remember if I mentioned it,  Mr. Dammit bunny did very well on his visit Monday.   D who used to not be anxious about much, is now anxious about every thing,  Was afraid Dammit, was going to have a heart attack.  Dammit was just lying on the bed with his paws on D's stomach, chilling out and being very well behaved.  Dammit did say he was disappointed at the lack of Zeppelin there.

My birthday is the last day of the month.  He had given up his goal to be home by then last week, he's taken it back up again.  I'm just hoping he can stand to a walker and take a step or two by then.

Thanks for stopping by.

Never A Dull Moment

Yes, it's that same picture of Dammit.

At the request of the nurses, Dammit is making a visit to the nursing center tomorrow.  It should cheer up, D.  He really needs it.  Man, what a week.  I missed posting WIPW for the first time through all this, because quite frankly nobody would have wanted to read anything I would have typed.  It was a very bad day.

First of all, the call lights haven't worked since arrived last Friday.  They gave everyone these cowbells to ring. The rooms on either side of him are constant cowbell ringers, so the aides take their time about answering.  It sounds like a damn cow pasture, with all the cowbell ringing.  There is a respiratory tech, D and I go around saying, "We need some more cowbell."

So, Saturday through Tuesday he was gung ho.  Actually, thought he would be walking by the end of the week, he did.  I just shook my head and said, well, you go ahead and work for that.  Saturday, he could barely bend his knees or pull the blanket on and off.  I've been busy doing all the things for a person that can barely move.  The hospital just cold turkeyed him after having him on all those narcotics for all that time, dumped in the home with nothing.  That was fun, NOT.  After much yelling, we have him on a mild dose to keep him calm.

Tuesday night, he went without oxygen for almost 2 hrs.  The resp. tech was new and inexperienced somehow unplugged the cord and left him like that.  Wednesday morning, we had a care conference for going home planning and he threw a fit about it and that the call lights didn't work.  They worked on them from Wednesday afternoon and by Friday had them working for all of about 5 hrs.

Wednesday afternoon, he was a bear.  I was exhausted.  At one point, I was standing in the hall and a nurse asked me if I was ok and I burst into tears.  It just wasn't a good time.  That's why I didn't post.  He was snapping and I was snapping.  My worries were confirmed on Thursday.

He became listless and sleepy on Thursday, running a fever.  I kept bugging the nurse until she called the Dr. to order a chest x-ray.  That evening he desatted and the RN resp. tech and I worked on him for over 30 minutes suctioning.  The results came in that he had another small pneumo thorax on the right side and a new case of pneumonia.  There are other people on the hall that have pneumonia as well, and I let you draw from that what you will. Not saying much more.

The RN tech found the crispy cracklies up on his right shoulder and told me that was where it was and drew a circle.  She's really good and I trusted her so I went home at my regular time.  She writes both my numbers down on her daily sheet and promises to call, even at 3am if anything should happen, even an anxiety attack.

Friday morning I went in and everyone said, oh he's doing great, resting comfortably.  Then I saw him for myself.  The cracklies spread and he had a huge lump of mushy air under his right breast.  He calls it his man boob.  He was alert and joking around.  I think he was putting up a front so they wouldn't send him back to the hospital.  I pestered until they told me the Dr. would there in an hour to talk to me.

The Dr. was unconcerned and said he didn't need a chest tube, they would put him on antibiotics for the pneumonia.  On top of it, D was insisting he wanted to stay and not go to the hospital.  You know how I couldn't wait for him to be alert and making his own decisions?  At that moment, I wanted to knock him back out and tell them I insist he go back and get checked out.  But, I'm just the paper signer now.

We went from 95F on Monday to 45F and all day rain on Saturday.  My back has been killing me the past three days.  I've mentioned before how my sacral iliac joint is displaced.  The top left corner of bone sticks out a little bit and the right side is sunken in.  Tonight I put it back in place by helping to lift him up in bed.

Today, he just slept and didn't eat any breakfast or lunch.  I stopped Fry's on my way home and got the stuff to make my meatloaf.  He doesn't eat more than a few bites at each meal all week.  I joked with A of how I was going to work my butt of to make a meal he would only eat three bites of and be done.  He ate seven bites of meatloaf, three bites of mashed potatoes and a half of a baby carrot.  I meant to take pictures but I'm such a slacker. He says I make the best meatloaf, so I'll share the recipe.

2 lbs ground beef
1 can diced or stewed tomatoes
1 package Ritz crackers crushed
1/2 chopped onion
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp Coleman's dried mustard (that's the now not so secret ingredient)
dash garlic powder
dash of kosher salt
dash of freshly ground pepper
many strips of thickly sliced applewood smoked bacon

Mix all the above ingredients together except for the bacon.  Form a loaf shape in a baking pan. Arrange the bacon strips on top to cover to the loaf.  Bake at 350F for about 1/2 hours.

Tonight when I helped the aide lift him up in bed so I could feed him his dinner, the darn bed broke.  It was brand new bed.  I know this, because they kept telling me it was a brand new bed from the time we arrived. It was a comedy trying to fix the bed then find a new one.  Put him in a recliner, move the old bed out, the new one in.  That got him alert and amused.  He said it was the most fun and entertainment he's had since he's been there.  Weirdo.

He'll be reading this at some point.  I told him how I've been blogging this whole time.  He didn't have a problem with it and was glad I was keeping it documented for him to read later.  Quite upset about losing over 45 days of his life, says he doesn't even remember being.  Had me take a picture for him, so he could have a before and after picture.  I'll let him post that.  Then he asked me if I took a picture of him in the ICU.  Weirdo. I said, no, I was afraid it would freak out the nurses if I had.   He doesn't need to see that anyway, it'll just scare him.  Hell, it scared me every day I went in.

He's really working at his dexterity, wants to play the guitar again.  Grateful that I was exercising his hands while he was sedated. He's planning his guest blog post. Well, he's giving his website to everyone who will listen, so I'll post it here. Planet Moderan  Go take a look, he'll appreciate it.  The music he made himself and there is his stories and recipes.

Since this is supposed to be a fiber arts blog, there has been some knitting through all of this week, believe it or not.  I know, I'm amazed too. Had to have some knitting just for insanities sake.  I would be further along, but I went to far on the foot and had to rip back a couple inches and re-start the heel.  I'm using the heel from this pattern. (Rav link)

It's April 10th and I'm just starting to take April pictures.  I'm such a slacker lately, somebody should come beat me. This is my TUSAL picture, it's a week late.  Hopefully they don't hold it against, considering, you know.  No threads added.  I do find a few skeins of floss here and there that Butterscotch finds to play with.  I just pick them and sigh.  How I would love a quite afternoon in my chair to stitch.

If you don't have a sense of humor, stop reading any further.  I probably shouldn't write this as someone could take it the wrong way, but seriously if you can't take a joke......

Wednesday when I had my breakdown, the nurse told me to spend more time at home to rest.  It will harder when he comes home, she said. You don't think it will, but it will.  Saturday, when it was so cold and rainy and I just didn't want to go back out for my evening shift, I thought about what she said. Then I thought, no, it would be nice if he were home and I didn't have to go back out.  Just send him home with the same narcotics they are using. When he gets all antsy, I can just say, "Here honey, have some butterscotch pudding."
Him: "No, I don't want pudding. I want ...... (name it)"
Me: "But I made it, just especially for you." (said sweetly)
Him: "No, I don't want it."
Me: "Just eat the damn pudding."

On that note, I'm taking my sore, aching back to bed. It's supposed to warm back to the 80's tomorrow, I can't wait.  Yes, I'm fitting in the eating, drinking and sleeping thing in.  I am tempted to just take my dinner to bed and let the cats feed me while I sleep, they would eat it though.

On To Our Next Adventure

That place Mom took me was weird.

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, but I feel like I've raced around in a speeding car through crazy town. I'm sitting here in a long term care facility with him next to me watching the Cubs game on TV.

Wednesday was an awful night for him.  They had just abruptly taken away the ton of narcotics he was on, no ween down.  I'm told he became combative and refusing all care.  I threw a fit when I came on Thursday morning, because they never called me.  I could have came in and settled him down if they had. Even though he's been conscious for a few weeks, because of the narcotics, he doesn't remember much before Tuesday or Wednesday.  Upset that he lost over 45 days of his life.

Thursday morning I came in an he wasn't in his room, an old lady was.  I literally flipped out.  They moved him to another room across the hall during the night.  Why, I could never get a straight answer.  One of the ICU Dr.'s was by his bedside and they were considering taking him back to the ICU.  Then they thought he had a pulmonary embolism and he had a ct-scan.

Dammit's visit didn't go as well as I had hoped because of the ICU Dr. being there.  One of the rude residents.  Even his nurse commented on how rude she was.  Then I found out he didn't want me to take Dammit out to visit because he was afraid he would give Dammit what he had.  I did bring him out for a few minutes before it was time to leave.

Thursday afternoon, the speech therapist upgraded him to a ground food diet.  He had a cheeseburger ground up with mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner. Just a few bites, he had the tube feeding still going..

Friday morning, the Dr.s came in, asked if he ate yet.  We told them yes.  They said, well you tolerated food well, you're out of here.  Seriously, just like that. Friday evening, he was transferred to a long term care facility up the street.

I've been busy ever since.  He's been busy working his legs and arms.  First thing he managed was being able to operate the tv remote.  No problems with the speaking valve.  Mr. Man of few words is now Mr. Chatty Chatty.  He tells me when I'm not here, he sings to exercise his lungs.

There's a few issues with this place, but I don't want to get into it.  Hopefully, he won't be here long and will be home soon.

Even though it's going to cause me a hardship, I spent 20.00 for mlb.tv so he could watch the Cubs game Friday.  The hospital didn't have WGN but they do have wifi.  The look on his face when he watched the game: priceless.  He became so animated and full of life.